1. Teacher VS Internet

    I just want to a job where I can watch TV and be sarcastic on the internet.

    In sweatpants.

    Jesus Christ. 


  2. Top 5

    Things about Park City

    5 - art galleries/ chatchka shops

    4 - free bus rides

    3 - free yoga facing the mountains

    2 - day drinking is encouraged

    1 - men with beards

    Things about 2013

    5 - new music

    4 - started grad school

    3 - my colts clinch  

    2 - visiting my brother

    1 - moving in with the boyfriend

    Things about myself

    5 - finding my calm

    4 - being a better sister

    3- taking care of myself and listening to my body

    2 - smoothies

    1 - exploring new ideas

    Things I loved in TV

    5 - revisiting Lennie Briscoe on Law and Order

    4 - SNL

    3 -  Parenthood

    2 - saying “goodbye” to Dexter

    1 - saying “hello” to Homeland

    Things about my brother

    5 - lives in vacationland

    4 - is nice to strangers

    3 - has 2, very cool jobs in town

    2 - makes me laugh

    1- makes me proud

    Things I loved in music

    5 - Medusa - GEMS

    4 - Walking Backwards - Leagues

    3 - Lipstick - Lumeria

    2 - Cruel - St Vincent

    1- Money Saves - Delta Spirit

    Just when you think that life is kind of meh, the light breaks through. I’ve made a nice little life for myself. It is nice to stop and marvel at it sometimes. I hope your 2014 is full of love, laughter and adventure.

    Rock and roll



  3. My Brother Is Awesome

    Greetings from Utah.

    I am currently sitting on a dirty, dog-couch, drinking a hard cider and watching Parks and Rec on FXX. I made it to Park City! My travels have sparked some thoughts that I would like to share.

    Kids on planes: I thought that taking a 7:21pm flight out of JFK would no kids. Apparently I was way wrong. I could have booked 6 nanny gigs in the front of the plane alone. (I made the mistake of sitting in the back of the plane. So that means I would have had to deal with Ana Lucia. Yuck)

    Fitbits: My wonderful friend got me a great deal on some Fitbits. I gave one to my dad for Christmas. I am now obsessed with my activity. This poor machine is going to get the wrong impression. This might be the one week out of 2013 that I’m not tethered to my couch/bed/nap-thrown.

    Fresh air makes me feel sick and really nice people freak me out.  

    Free bus ride: Sundance brings in so much money that you don’t have to pay to take the bus. The city doesn’t want your money. DOESN’T WANT IT. Mind = blown.

    Ride-share van people: I used a ride-share van from SLC to my brother’s bro-palace. It was at 1:40am. My van consisted of: a 30 something hipster couple from Brooklyn and their trendy baby, a very uptight couple and their overmedicated child, 3 separate dudes and me. Our driver didn’t have a GPS and wore sunglasses.

    My brother is awesome.


  4. Tweety Bird pajamas

    Why is it that every time I go to a market the person ahead of me is buying lottery tickets. EVERY TIME. You would think there was an APB out that I had dry mouth and craved an Arnold Palmer. Why are these people always purchasing lotto tickets? And it’s not just one ticket. It’s like fifteen. And there is always the lady in the Tweety Bird pajamas. I can’t. This needs to stop.

    Homeland is everything.

    Carry on.



  5. Adventures in Short Term Disability

    Catfish is really depressing. I have watched roughly 30 hours of the show and it keeps breaking my heart. I was very creeped out by “Artis and Jess and Justin” (ep. 209). I was certain that the Justin dude was going to murder all of them and then store their body parts in shoe boxes. Yikes. My relationship with Nev and Max has started to fluctuate. Sometimes they ask really personal and direct questions and it makes me squirm. Max can be kind of mean but I guess he is just being real. Most of these people just signed up to have their dreams crushed. I am impressed by the people who are ready to rumble. They show up all pissed and deliver a powerful speech about how they will rise about this bullshit. It is amazing how people muster the courage from complete humiliation. They’ve got nothing to lose at this point. Why not make the first thirty five minutes worth it. And what about these assholes. Oh, they are lonely. Or they don’t know how to talk to girls. Wah. I am still super uncomfortable with the group therapy that happens at the end. Sometimes they fight and Nev and Max think they are helping (but they are really making it worse). Are we a nation of crazy people? Does everyone with an IP address have a personality disorder? I do like some of the music. It is a good soundtrack for my commentary.

    We finally got the rest of the furniture for our apartment. You’d think our lives were sponsored by Ikea circa 2010. My cat is enjoying all of the new surfaces he can groom himself on. This is yet another adventure in short term disability that I can attempt to navigate on muscle relaxers.

    Buzzfeed posted an article, I Was Drugged By A Stranger. Read it.

    Can we just all agree that we are over mustaches? They need to stop. They are ruining cups, and towels and tee shirts and scarves. I can’t. I was over this a year ago. And add bacon to the list. As a bacon enthusiast, I can assure you my love for pork yumminess is genuine. But I have to draw a line somewhere. Toothpaste? Candles? Bacon deodorant? Why would someone want to punish themselves with the illusion of my beloved bacon? How stupid.

    The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has reached ridiculous proportions. It is a weekly lesson in passive aggressive shit slinging. These ladies can’t even get together for one meal without getting into some high school level bullshit. Brandy needs to jump off this sinking ship before her 15 minutes are up. I have grown to like her. This new Carlton lady creeps me out. Her weird tan makes her look sick. Yuck.

    I really miss 30 Rock. I’m still superficially into Revenge. The Blacklist is super. Parenthood is dehydrating me. TV is pretty great. Even SNL has been keeping my interest. The news has really been writing the jokes lately. Rob Ford is a clown. Jon Stewart’s writing team doesn’t even have to try. Hooray for television!

    My best friend is starting a project:  http://jlk2930.tumblr.com/  . You should keep track of her awesomeness. She is going to do great things.


  6. Shocker, People Are Dicks

    Here are some things

    Parenthood is so good. But if Julia cheats on Joel I will lose my shit. She needs a therapist. And a hobby. Joel was super dad for 4 seasons. He juggled Sidney and Victor and all of her needs flawlessly. And he made it look so damn sexy in his slightly unfitted button ups. Julia needs to get it together before she ruins everything and I hate her forever.

    I turned 27 yesterday. That was weird. It was really great to hear from everyone. I felt very loved. Especially in the form of food! My manfriend took me to see John Mulaney. Apparently it was blazer night at The Wilbur Theater. John, Jeremy and I all looked adorable in our seasonal outerwear. John was great, as usual. I just wish he had done more new stuff.

    Does anyone else think there is something really weird about the whole Miami Dolphins hazing thing? Shocker, people are dicks. The NFL has been in the news almost as much as George Zimmerman this year. Why don’t they just keep it to themselves like a normal group of criminals. Tannehill’s hot wife can’t eclipse this disaster. Yikes. In other news, my Colts are doing awesome. I’m not really sure what happened against the Texans, but I will take the W. Sunday should be easy. The Rams have been meh.

    I’m really into The Blacklist. I think Elizabeth Keen is pretty awesome. She could potentially reach Lorelai/Olivia status. (I know, crazy. How could I even say that so early into the relationship. I just have a good feeling.) I am really into her storyline. What is the deal with her husband? I still think that there are way more creepy secrets. I really hope that there are more twists. I miss Dexter. I really need this to work out.



  7. The Ice Truck Killer, Trinity and Deb’s weird eye.

    Dexter is over. What the f was that finale?

    How do I move on?

    In a final season that started strongly but waned quickly, Dexter left us with one of the show’s saddest and most heartbreaking scenes. In Remember the Monsters? (season 8 episode 12), Dexter visits his sister Deb after she is shot by Vogel’s weirdo son.  Things had taken an emotional dump on the sibling the past two seasons.You know, after Deb discovered and struggled to accept that her beloved brother is a serial killer. The loving relationship the two managed to form in spite of everything turns out to be their final conversation in the hospital. Cue the tears.

    Not long after Dexter leaves Deb’s bedside, she suffers a blood clot that leads to a stroke and puts her in a persistent vegetative state.

    Me: crying.

    In anger and despair, Dexter kills Oliver to avenge Deb and goes to her bedside even though the hospital is a shitshow from the incoming hurricane. Me: crying.

    Dexter, in brooding agony, tells Deb he is sorry and tearfully takes her off life support. Me: sobbing. Before she flat lines, Dexter whispers in Deb’s ear that he does love her. Me: SOBBING.

    I was weirded out by Dexter taking Debs body out to sea. That was kind of a dick move on his part. And then we watch Hannah take Harrison onto a plane (okay bye). And then we watch Dex drive his boat into the hurricane. I was no longer sobbing. I think I stopped crying out of confusion. Or immense disappointment.

    Finales are tough. Dexter was a weird show so there wasn’t any sort of formula to follow. But we had a good run. The Ice Truck Killer, Trinity, Deb’s weird eye. I’m going to miss yelling at Quinn for sleeping with strippers and Dexter for being a horrible father/ stepfather. Now what? Do I just tuck it  away with my other lost friends? I can file it next to Liz Lemon and Jim Halpert (god I miss them). It’s okay… time for some new shows. The Newsroom pilot was pretty awesome…


  8. You’re Stupid

    Oh my god. okay. Can we talk about SVU on Wednesday. I can’t. I am already crying. What is going to happen to Olivia? That dude from Weeds/Orange Is The New Black was in her apartment and had a gun to her head! And now the commercials are freaking me out. I am almost too scared to watch. She has to be okay. I haven’t heard anything about Mariska’s contract being up. I couldn’t handle it. She is my everything.

    Also, Parenthood starts on Thursday. I’m pumped. It will be an additional dose of therapy each week. I am still shocked that none of them were nominated for an Emmy. Monica Potter’s performance last season was incredible. Peter Krause taught me what hope truly looks like. The Braverman family was a masterpiece that never disappointed. So what’s the deal Emmys? You’re stupid.


  9. Construction Porn

    And best performance by a sledgehammer goes to…

    Terry Richardson directed the new Miley Cyrus video and it’s pretty riveting. This is probably how people felt about Lady Gaga 6 years ago. I’m only just now understanding it, but it’s like watching a couple fight in public. So entertaining. And while it’s not sustainable, it managed to get everyones attention. She’s putting some kind of narrative lens on whatever the fuck she’s trying to say, and that’s compelling.

    There might be something real somewhere in her “moment”.  Sure but then she’s also showing us her rock hard quads and fellating a sledgehammer with Terry Richardson behind a camera. And the whole thing is just fascinating. I want to be vulnerable, but only in this way. I want to cry, but only if it begets ~controversy~. Something’s at stake, probably. Or at least it feels like something’s at stake — and maybe that’s where the real art is. Tricking me into hitting play.

    Her response to comments should really be “I think I look hot”. I would respect that. She’s 20 and loaded. I was 20 and broke. I wore a toga for 4 days in a row one summer. No one thought I was having a “moment”. Jeeze

    Most of these pop nerds just sing catchy love songs. But this pop nerd wants to sing catchy love songs and make you feel weirdsies the entire time. Her Vanity Fair photo shoot was the same nonsense. As soon as she took the stage at the VMAs, I took out my laptop. And waited. I knew that we were all going to have something to say. And here I am, blogging about her construction porn. Maybe her next video will feature her getting a pap smear in a white tank top. America would hate that.

    Chill out guys. She’s just being Miley.  


  10. Spoiler Alert

    Can we please talk about Full House.

    Specifically the pilot episode “Our Very First Night”.

    The plot: Danny, Joey and Jesse each want/have to leave the house one evening. One of them has to wuss out and stay home to supervise the girls. Jesse gets stuck at home and the girls convince him of the following things:

    1) If they can’t sleep they are allowed to eat a shit load of premium ice cream.

    2) They think that Jesse and the Rippers is the best band in the history of music.

    3) They are allowed to order a larger cheese pizza after 11 pm.

    Danny eventually comes home and discovers the girls and Joey rocking out with Jesse and his cool bandmates. Mr Tanner is (SPOILER ALERT) pissed. They each have group therapy and recognize the importance of being lame.

    I can’t get past the ice cream. How can two little girls convince their adult uncle that they are allowed to eat ice cream after 9pm. That is just fucking ridiculous.